I will not:
1. Explain to my family for the umpteenth time that while I'm at home typing between 6 a.m. - 2 p.m. that yes, I actually am busy working and no, I don't want to update you on my life right now or discuss cousin Horace's knee operation. Besides, I might be taking a nap.
2. Respond to any freelance job ads with exclamation points in the title. Even though I could be making six figures! From home! In my spare time!
3. Help my kids with homework. Seriously. I did mine already when I was their age. And this new mathodology is killing me. You wouldn't put me in charge of a nuclear reactor because I'm not qualified. Don't ask me to multiply fractions.
4. Resolve to lose weight this year. Forget it. I embrace my Jabba-the-Hutness for now. Wave that big ass with pride, people.
5. Make efficient use of my time. All work and no play makes you Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
6. Behave in a morally responsible manner. Because I need to up my debauchery score on this quiz so I can be a more corrupt poet.Like most New Year's resolutions, my anti goals will probably be jettisoned out the air lock about February 1. Then I can get on with the rest of my life.