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Friday, December 14, 2007

My Anti Goals for the New Year

Okay. I hate to be the same as everyone else. It makes my scalp creep. I posted my goals for next year like everyone else, but it didn't quite feel right. I've decided to post some anti goals. Kinda the kryptonite for New Year's resolutions.

I will not:

1. Explain to my family for the umpteenth time that while I'm at home typing between 6 a.m. - 2 p.m. that yes, I actually am busy working and no, I don't want to update you on my life right now or discuss cousin Horace's knee operation. Besides, I might be taking a nap.

2. Respond to any freelance job ads with exclamation points in the title. Even though I could be making six figures! From home! In my spare time!

3. Help my kids with homework. Seriously. I did mine already when I was their age. And this new mathodology is killing me. You wouldn't put me in charge of a nuclear reactor because I'm not qualified. Don't ask me to multiply fractions.

4. Resolve to lose weight this year. Forget it. I embrace my Jabba-the-Hutness for now. Wave that big ass with pride, people.

5. Make efficient use of my time. All work and no play makes you Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

6. Behave in a morally responsible manner. Because I need to up my debauchery score on this quiz so I can be a more corrupt poet.

Like most New Year's resolutions, my anti goals will probably be jettisoned out the air lock about February 1. Then I can get on with the rest of my life.

Query on.

9 comments:

Melissa said...

But how could you not respond? In your spare time! It's so! compelling! Isn't it?! Eh, or not.

glasshut said...

No caffeine this morning? Or is it the thought of the kiddos hanging around the house for the next couple of weeks that's got you out of sorts? Inquiring minds want to know...

Terreece said...

HA! I love it, I think I'll encourage my readers to do the same. Mind if I send 'em over to you? It! Would! Probably give you millions! By! Tomorrow!

I vow to keep eating chocolate, even though my 3 year old points out it's junk.

roller coaster teacher said...

Go Tricia!

Tricia Grissom said...

Yeah, Melissa, those exclamation point work like a bear trap. The next thing you know, you're skinned and on someone's floor.

Tricia - It's the stress of grading. I've snapped.

And the 3 hours ahead of me making a grades spreadsheet and doing student evaluations on the weekend because grades are due by 9 a.m. on Monday. Yep, 9 a. m. How much snow did ya'll get out where you are? There's a ton here.

Hey, Terreece, the more the merrier! Chocolate. Supremely good idea. I will not avoid chocolate for the New Year.

Hi roller coaster teacher. Hope your sememster is coming to a close quietly this Christmas. I'm soooo ready for a break.

glasshut said...

We've probably got 4 inches of the white, fluffy stuff. New goal..when I'm rich and famous (after my appearance on Oprah), I'll move to a warm, sunny climate. The only snow will be in the photo montage from my pre-famous days.

I'm thinking Bali or Tahiti or someplace equally sun-drenched.

Lorna Doone said...

All work and no play makes you Jack Nicholson in The Shining

That is the funniest thing I have read all day . . . and I've been online for a ridiculously long time.

Tricia Grissom said...

I adore snow. We probably have about 4 inches. My rich and famous self will have a cabin in Colorado where I whisk everyone for Christmas. Except my family :)

Why thank you, Lorna Doone. Thanks for stopping by.

roller coaster teacher said...

Hi Tricia - last week before break - movie "Hoot", then Scrabble tournament!!! A nice raucous wrap-up, I hope...