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Friday, January 18, 2008

Americans and Brits Aren't Reading and That's Cool With Me

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!

Most of us bibliophiles have seen the poll that say a quarter of Americans didn't read a single book last year. Now a new one says the Brits aren't doing any better. Thanks to the Writer Beware Blog for posting on this. And as Nathan Bransford points out, even Steve Jobs says people don't read - so no Apple ereader for the twelve of us who do.

Some of us readers/writers go around lamenting this lack of reading. I don't understand why.

It's actually awesome because that means eventually I will rule the earth and all its outer planets (assisted by you eleven other people that Steve Jobs concedes read books). People who read know things. Ergo, people who don't read are poor shlubs who will have to submit to my world domination because they don't know where Africa is on a map or that Hitler was on the bad side in WWII. Would you put someone who didn't know those things in charge? I think not.

But wait, you say. I want to get published and paid for it. If no one is reading, how will that happen? We are in charge, silly. We get to keep all the money and resources ala Ferdinand Marcos. And we read, so you'll still get your books read by people who appreciate your efforts and don't leave nasty reviews for you on Amazon.

So all of you who aren't reading books? Don't worry your pretty little heads about a thing. I'll take care of everything. I've had time to read up on it. Go watch Brett Michaels "Rock of Love" (my addiction to Project Runway is legitimate research of...something).

All of you mourning the death of reading - Shhhhhh. There are overlord positions available in my new world order if you keep your yap shut and let sleeping minds lie. Moohoohahaha!

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't. - Mark Twain

Twain would have been good at taking over the world, don't you think?


Anonymous said...

Twain for world domination! Tricia for ruler supreme!

Tricia Grissom said...

I have reserved an overlord position just for you roller coaster teacher. Would you like north America or do you prefer somewhere warmer?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm.... north America is very good, just as long as my throne is located somewhere a tad warmer than my current location...

Anonymous said...

I'm not stalking this post! I had to come back and say I appreciate SMILING now when I think about the poor state of reading, instead of the usual gnashing of teeth! It's kinda like your anti-resolutions for the new year...

Tricia Grissom said...

Hey, come back as often as you like!

Some of my students looked surprised when I said this in class. At least I have their attention!